Teaching Isn't B&W

Every year I make resolutions that I break before I even really get started. I have long accepted my flaw – a total lack of willpower when it comes to healthy eating and going to the gym.

This year, I’ve decided instead of resolutions I want to have goals that I make sure I tick off each month. There are so many things I don’t get round to doing because I don’t have time (or often, because I’ve been too lazy to prioritise it), and I always feel so disappointed I haven’t managed to get more done.

I don’t want to set big goals – otherwise they’d become scary and unmanageable rather than helping me feel excited that I’ve achieved something. I also don’t want to have too many, either, as this will have the same effect.

I want to blog more.

I often write blogs and never post them as I am too worried about being controversial and getting negative comments; I know this is part and parcel with writing blogs, but anyone who knows me will know I am a massive over-thinker who will read over every comment and take it personally. To be honest, I doubt many of the posts I write even are that controversial…but like I said, over-thinker!

I want to write something more meaningful to me, but also something that helps others too.

I want to write because I enjoy it.

I want to write because I find it such a fantastic outlet for thoughts, feelings and ideas.

So, my aim is to make sure I write at least one blog a month, that is about something in education I am passionate about or that I think would be useful to other people. Is there anything you’d like to see me write about? I’d love to hear it!

I want to bake something that uses a new skill each month

I asked on Twitter for some new recipes I might be able to try this year which would challenge me to a new skill. I got some brilliant responses! From doughnuts to beignets, I have lots of new techniques to accomplish in the kitchen.

I’ve been baking properly since I was a teen and everything I have learnt is home taught. I love discovering I can do something new; it feels especially exciting when I know I’ve managed it myself. So far on my list I have:

• January: Crumpets – what better winter warmer is there than crumpets with a lashing of butter and marmite?
• February: Cheese beignets – I tried these when I went to Victor’s in Oxford and would love to be able to recreate them at home! I’ve not done choux pastry in a while, either.
• March: Strudel – something I’ve not made before and I would enjoy making!
• April: Doughnuts – somehow I’ve never made these. They’re firmly on the list.
• May: Fondant Fancies – one I’ve always wanted to try and never got round to!
• June: Macarons – what flavour though? There’s so many options!
• July: Fraiser Cake – a challenge that would be perfect for a summer bake.
• August: Illusion cake – as it’s my birthday, I’m going to make an illusion cake of some kind. I am not particularly artistic so I don’t feel particularly confident with this one. But, it’s a challenge for a reason, isn’t it?
• September: Bagels – again, something I’ve always wanted to try. I might even go wild and attempt the rainbow ones they had on GBBO! It would definitely make school lunches look more interesting!
• October: Sticky Toffee Pudding – this one might not teach me new skills per se, but is something I’ve always wanted to bake.
• November: Bread and Butter pudding – I’ve never made one before and think this would be great comfort food.
• December: Marshmallows – ready for Christmas gifts and bakes.

Go for a walk (if not exercise) once a week.

Each year I make a resolution to go and exercise, or enter a gym. Each year I then battle against myself to actually go and do it! So now, I want to go for a walk once a week. To kick it off in January, I am going to try and go for a walk every day – I’m hoping this will get me in the swing of things. Usually I say no due to bad weather, a habit I need to get out of! I have some beautiful places to walk near me that I haven’t even been to yet. Why not start now?

So, those are my three aims. They’re not big and I hope that means they won’t be too overwhelming to complete. I hope that writing, walking and baking more will do wonders for my mental health during whatever lockdowns we end up in this year. For me, the virus itself is not the worry, nor is being in or out of school. What I’m struggling with is having a ‘busy brain’, as I call it, that struggles to switch off if it isn’t stimulated enough in the day. Often, it will leave me not sleeping or hugely overthinking at night. This is the stem of my anxiety; I need to make sure I use my mental energy up.

Welcome in 2021 with small things to build a bigger, more positive, mindset!

If you want to join in, why not set yourself some #TinyTeacherTargets to set little monthly goals to make you feel you’ve achieved?

Emily x

The Wednesday before half-term I felt exhausted to the point I cried. I thought it was just an intense version of being teacher-tired. After all, I had a new job and also, as with all of us, had to get used to a new way of working during the pandemic. Luckily, my work sent me home as I really wasn’t able to work. On the way home, I decided to get a Covid-test, despite not having any of the symptoms – other than feeling drained I had no signs of being ill.

Turns out, it was the right thing to do. That evening, a cough began to develop and I was in bed, sleeping on and off, until my result came through on Friday. Positive.

I don’t know about any of you, but I’ve not felt any anxiety about the actual illness during the pandemic (which is especially surprising as someone who really struggles with anxiety about a lot of other things). I hadn’t known anyone personally who had it, and very few friends of friends either. I knew the importance of following guidelines, and did so, but it still seemed something very removed from my life. For a lot of my friends, I was the first person they had known who had it.

That was why I didn’t expect – despite how ill I felt – for my result to come back positive at all. Soon after it did, I had a high temperature, cough, shortness of breath and lost my sense of taste. I also completely lost my appetite and lost over half a stone in a week. Overall the symptoms lasted just over a week. All of these things, I expected because they are discussed a lot. I knew it was likely I’d cough and find it harder to breath – it’s what we hear about Covid all the time.

However, what I’ve found the most difficult – and had not heard discussed at all prior to it happening to me, is the post-coved fatigue. After I had ‘recovered’ from the other symptoms (although I keep getting a numb sensation in my mouth which is very unsettling) I still felt – feel! – constantly tired. Most days since, I’ve only had the energy to lie in bed and read or watch Netflix. (Side note: Emily in Paris and Schitt’s Creek – amazing series to watch!)

When I posted on Twitter about this, I was inundated with replies and messages which detailed this exact feeling to me. Weeks, or even months, later there is still the overwhelming feeling of tiredness that people are suffering with. For some, it’s constant. For others, it comes and goes with periods of feeling okay in-between. Maybe this has been discussed somewhere – but for me and a lot of others it seemed to be a symptom and after-effect that before having the illness we hadn’t been made aware of.

Even now, with returning to work on the horizon, I have huge anxiety about how tired I feel and how I am going to cope with the working day. I know I need to go back eventually and don’t want to put it off (because for me, that will only cause my anxiety to get worse) but I’ve had to accept I need to make some adjustments in order for this to happen. Also, make sure you tell your place of work how you are feeling. You are most definitely going to need support as you return to school.

Basically, the point of this is to say that if you do catch Covid, you need to make adjustments for yourself. Accept that there may be longer effects than you counted on; that the symptoms are varied and very different for each individual. Do not be hard on yourself if you feel this way afterwards. The amount of guilt I piled on myself for feeling this way was ridiculous, now I look back at it. As soon as I realised other people felt this way it was so much easier for me to be kinder to myself and accept how I felt.

As with most things, it was easier when you didn’t feel alone in how you’re feeling. A few people have already messaged me asking for support, or advice, with how they’re feeling; I am more than happy for others too, as well, if it helps.

(But just to clarify I am by no means an expert or medical professional! Just emotional and supportive advice here 🙋🏼‍♀️).

I hope you all have a lovely half term in the run-up to Christmas.

Emily x

I have taught primary for the last 6 years; I’ve always been in KS2. I started my career in Year 4, then a year and a term in Y3 before moving up to Year 6 and staying there, even when I moved schools. I absolutely adored being in Year 6 – I loved the time-scale you knew you had, the activities we got to do and even, at times, the pressure!

I also was extremely lucky that after my first experience in a school (which was toxic and extremely negative) I ended up being employed at an incredibly supportive school with brilliant staff and leadership. I knew my next move was going to be difficult, as I’d be leaving somewhere I felt secure and safe. For a time, I wasn’t sure I’d even move on at all. When your confidence has been torn down, even if it’s only over a short time, it takes more than double that to gain it back again.

However, when the opportunity to be a Transition Teacher came up at a secondary in our academy trust, I decided to move. Not only to a new school (though I knew it and some of the staff already through collaboration in our trust), with a new staff – which is daunting enough on its own – but I would be making the jump from primary to secondary!

I am so intrigued to see what the differences are between primary and secondary working are. I am under no illusion that one or the other is easier; the only thing that makes primary easier for me is because I know how to do it! It feels incredibly daunting moving up to ‘big school’ and I feel a little like a Year 6 again. I won’t just be teaching one subject – I’ll have English as my majority, but will also be teaching some Year 7 art too. It’s safe to say I’ll be learning some new skills, which I am excited for!

I’m also hoping that, as it is a fairly rare role which lots of you seem interested in hearing about, I can hopefully keep people updated by blogging how it goes, and what the job entails. (It might be that no-one is interested but, I’ll still post for me!).

When you move jobs, you know there will be new policies and procedures to learn as well as new ways of working to adapt to. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been teaching or how excited you are to start your new job, but those ‘first day of school’ nerves don’t ever quite go away. Having only done this once before, I’m no expert. But my tips for starting a new job would always be:

• Get to know as many people as possible – everyone has their own expertise and you never know what you will need help with through the year
• Learn your way round (I already know this will take me so long this time!) – especially the toilets and where you can eat your food…
• Make sure you know three key policies in practice as a minimum by the end of the week. It’s one thing to read them but another to understand how they work as you use them
• Take yourself a really good lunch on Friday to congratulate yourself on making it through your first week (or a big gin when you get home, whichever makes you happier!
• Remember, even when tricky things happen in the week, there’s a reason you were selected for the role.

So that’s my thoughts on moving on. Have I rambled? Yes. But do I feel better going in tomorrow now I’ve written about it? Yes. Hopefully someone who’s read this now feels a bit better too! Good luck to all of you starting your first job, or a new job! I can’t wait to hear how everyone has got on, on Twitter this week.

Emily x

Yesterday, I met with some colleagues from my NQT school and we reminisced about the times we shared together and the (quite frankly, unbelievable) stories that used to make us cry, but. now make us laugh at the absurdity of the situations we found ourselves in. Honestly, one day we’ll write a book about them I’m sure.

My NQT year was never what I expected it to be. I loved the career path I’d chosen, had a pretty positive experience on my PGCE and I’d wanted to teach since I first started school myself at the age of 4. I couldn’t imagine that after just three months at my first school I would be reconsidering what I should be doing with my life.

Now, I hope that no-one else goes through the toxic, negative experience I did at a school, let alone in your NQT year. But, here are some tips that might prove useful, whatever your NQT experience is!

1- Always Ask For Advice

We always tell children if they’re not sure about something after first having a go themselves, they should ask for help. So why are we sometimes so reluctant to do this as an adult? There will be times you feel unsure if you know the right thing to do (which, by the way, is absolutely fine!) – so ask! Take advice from colleagues both in and out of school to make sure you feel confident and comfortable in the classroom.

2 – Find People You Trust

In the classroom you’ll find you need to put a lot of trust in yourself – you’re now responsible for lots of little people every day! But, as I said above, you need to be able to ask for advice. The best way to do this is to find a few – or a group – of people you really trust. For me, I was very lucky to find this quite quickly. I’m going into my 7th year of teaching and I’m still really close with the girls I worked with at my first school.

This group of people should be who you can go to with worries, asking for help or even just a friendly face on a morning when you don’t feel yourself. It’s important you have someone you know you can rely on.

3- You Do You

Obviously you need to adhere to school procedures, policies and routines – there are some things which you need to do a certain way which will differ from school to school. But beyond this, don’t be afraid to try things out that you think might work in your classroom.

If you’ve seen an idea online and love it, give it a go! If you have a sudden lightbulb moment, with a way to teach a concept you think would really help children, try it! And if you find a way that works for you that you’ve not seen before, share it! You might help someone else too.

4- Don’t Constantly Compare

This is so much easier said than done. You’ll see some brilliant teaching in your school; you’ll also see it all over social media too. But remember that mostly, people only show their best bits. Or if you observe an experienced teacher it might be a lesson that they’ve already taught several times and have tweaked over the years to make it as fantastic as it is now.

You’re just starting out and it’s absolutely okay to make mistakes. It’s even okay for them to happen years down the line (trust me, we all still have those days!). But remember another one of those teacher phrases we tell the kids: you learn from your mistakes! Don’t beat yourself up about something that happened, just reflect and find a way to make it different next time.

5- What If It Feels Wrong?

I hope you have a B R I L L I A N T school for your NQT year and that you are supported at every stage. But it would be irresponsible to say this will be the case for everyone.

If you have read my previous blogs you will know some of the details of my first school. I’ve not gone into every detail of my time there, or my full NQT experience, but it’s safe to say it wasn’t a positive one. As much as we all hope it won’t be us it happens to, it might be.

My genuine advice here is to reach out for support; if you’re not sure if something feels right, question it. If you don’t want to ask someone in school, use other resources around you. I asked friends’ parents in education, my union, family members in HR…anyone who I thought might have some more worldly advice to give me. Sometimes, you’ll find it’s quite standard practice (as much as people might agree it shouldn’t be!), but others you’ll discover it’s wrong.

(For example, NQTs shouldn’t be put on action plans. DO NOT SIGN ONE. They should be supporting you constantly not deciding without prior warning you now need capability intervention!)

Trust your instinct. And if a workplace is negative? Don’t give up after one school. Give another education environment a try and it may well show you what working in a classroom could and should be like.

6- Use Social Media

If you’re reading this it’s more than likely you already have a form of teaching social media as that’s where I share this blog! But I just wanted to make it explicit how brilliant I think these platforms can be! I wish I’d had Twitter as an NQT. The support, friendship, ideas, advice and resources I’ve gained from my time on there have been invaluable.

If I’d had it when I was newly qualified, I can only imagine how much more informed and supported I might have been. There’s so many fantastic people who are more than happy to have people reach out to them and answer questions or offer help. Use the resource literally at your fingertips!

These are probably pretty simple tips – they’ll probably have been shared online already this summer! But I think it’s important to feel as prepared and confident as you can going into your fresh start this September. It’s also important to be prepared for things not always going right, and knowing what you can do if they don’t!

As always my DM’s are always open 🥰 if you need to, reach out!

Emily x

“Keep Calm & Carry On” is one of those quintessential British phrases that we all used across the years from its inception. For most, it’s not one that applies to the situation we have found ourselves in.

This is a time of huge unrest for all of us. The global pandemic we are facing is unprecedented; it’s something that we haven’t experienced before to this degree. I completely understand that it is a scary time right now. Our families are at risk; people we love are in danger; society as we know it will morph and change to adapt the variable situations we’re facing.

But despite this, I feel I’m currently swimming against the tide. I’m not feeling particularly worried and am still going about my life the same as I did before (whilst sticking to the guidance we are being given!). I’m staying away from media reports, and just waiting for official guidance from my school before I make any changes to my practice. The idea of a long time off with not a lot to just makes me feel uncomfortable.

It’s no secret to anyone that I was off work for an extended period of time before – though obviously in different circumstances. But I found it really exhausting having a long period stretching before me with not a lot to do: I like keeping busy. If this is what we have to do, then obviously I’ll be doing it. But I know for me, and I’m sure for lots of others, it will be a strain on mental health.

In this vein, for me, the most worrying aspect of what’s going on at the moment is all the speculation. It’s not an if, but a when, schools are going to close. But there are a myriad of different theories currently online which will create an uneasy feeling of not knowing. Whether schools shut for 2 weeks, a month or 16 weeks: we’re going to do what we always do as education professionals – do what we can to minimise the effect whilst looking after ourselves.

We need to keep calm for the children in our classes and ensure that they are in a safe space at school. We need to carry on with whatever guidance we’re offered. But we also need to think about our own online presence and the support we can offer to others. We will all deal with this experience differently and need to extend a hand to those we can help. This includes being mindful, where possible, or the effects it might have on others mental health.

For anyone who is struggling, @brassoteach has set up #KeepInTouch where you’ll find a number of people happy to receive DMs (including myself) and be a point of contact for venting, support or just an ear to listen during this time.

Hope you all keep safe

Emily 🖤

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This message has been displayed across social media extensively this week, for obvious reasons. The effect of being kind and choosing words carefully has been more prominent now than it ever seems to have been before.

It’s been well documented that I’ve been through a really negative experience before where unkind words and bullying really affected me. I was at the point of nearly leaving my career and, even now, I still struggle with having confidence in myself. One comment can still sometimes be enough to make me think that I am not good enough.

This being said, however, it’s easy to forget that people have different versions of what they think is being kind. It’s very easy for context to be lost on social media – nuances of conversation can be lost in written word and cause offence where it wasn’t intended.

I try really hard – especially given my past experiences – to be really kind and positive to everyone I interact with. As a few people who I confide in know, I’ll often worry about what I reply sometimes in case I come across mean or rude. They’ll get redrafted tweets and messages with me needing some confirmation that what I’m saying is okay! One of the things I dread most in life is upsetting people with what I say as I know the impact it can have.

But Twitter can be a total minefield. I’ve seen – during my 4 years on the platform – a range of different conversations that probably would have been totally avoided if they’d been had in person. A lot of us are very in touch with how we feel ourselves and although we like to think we’ve thought about the impact on others, we haven’t. Not really. Because our own view of what kind is has blurred what the experience of others might be.

For example, I tweeted an opinion about a certain author. Not once did I say I didn’t let children read him, or that they shouldn’t (for the record, I have two of his books in my classroom!) but people made this assumption and then jumped on my tweet criticising me for this very thing. It blew up bigger than I ever thought when I posted the tweet!

Luckily, other than the usual ‘do I sound too mean in my reply?’ I navigated it okay and actually learned I can defend myself without being seen as ‘mean’ (my eternal worry). But there will be other people that, when this happens to them, withdraw into themselves and become affected by what they’re being told.

We never know what anyone else is going through and small acts of kindness, forgiveness and tolerance can be the difference between a positive and negative experience for someone else.

Our views are different: some we will agree with, some we won’t. But we do need to embrace that our differences are what make us each unique – do I agree with everything I read? No. And some people absolutely open up some much needed discussion. But sometimes it’s okay for others to disagree!

‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me’ is an outdated proverb. One we should ignore.

So this is just a reminder to take a minute to think about what you say to others before you type or speak.

Words do hurt. Words can kill.

Emily

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It happens every year. We see numerous people stating their New Year’s Resolutions with cries of: New Year, New Me!’

(And yes, for the record, I am one of them!). We look at the year ahead excited about things we already know will happen, as well as the prospect of the unknown. What will be waiting for us in 2020? What does the future hold?

But let’s focus for a moment on the past. I hope I’m not alone, but I for one know I’m awful at looking back at the year and seeing what good things have happened because I made them happen.

Teachers are often first to be self-critical. We suffer imposter syndrome and question our own ability; it seems to be the way a lot of us are wired. Yes, we are reflective but, and again I hope this isn’t just me, it’s much easier to reflect on the negative than step back and say, ‘You know what? That was great.’

So I took time out by myself to sit down and look back on 2019. What had I achieved? What three things was I really proud of?

1) I’ve been very open with the struggles I had leaving a toxic school. It made me anxious and paranoid, constantly worrying if I was any good at the job. This year (although I’m by no means at my full confidence again!), I’ve made huge leaps in developing my own self-belief. I‘ve started to see that some things I do can make an impact on the children, staff and people I interact with.

This may sound simple, but having a better understanding of my own self-worth has been the biggest impact on my year. I’ve felt 10% braver and asked for things I wanted to do, something I never would have had the confidence to do this time last year.

I get to review books, which I love. I write articles for amazing publications and companies. I have the confidence to put my own views out in a blog. None of this would have seemed possible to me a year ago.

2) My favourite part of the year was ‘Secondary Week’ which we put on for our Year 6 cohort in June. Before any of them went to their secondary move-up days, we had nearly 2 weeks where their timetable was as close as we could manage to secondary.

They moved classrooms; had different teachers; a range of all subjects; homework assigned on different days with different deadlines.

I was really lucky my school let me do this idea (because I had enough belief in myself to ask to do it!) and it worked amazingly! Children felt more confident going to secondary as well as having time to adjust to what will be expected of them. Because it went so well, it’s something we will repeat this year!

3) Reading more children’s books. As I have mentioned in a previous blog, despite being a huge reader, in the past I mostly stuck to adult books. This all changed & in 2019 I discovered even more amazing children’s literature! I believe reading these books has had a real impact on my teaching.

I can recommend books to children, have a range of incredible options in the book corner (I put all the books I buy in there!) and, most importantly, I’ve discovered some new favourites for myself!

So, if you look back on 2019, what would your Top 3 moments be?

What did you do that had the most impact on others?

And, importantly, what had the most impact on yourself?

For me, 2020 is going to be more of the same. A year of worrying less, putting myself forward for more things I want to do or believe I would be good for and to continue being 10% braver.

Small changes can have big results!

HNY!

Emily

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Anyone who follows any of my profiles can see that I love social media.

• I love the discussion, ideas and resources you can get through Twitter.

• I LOVE a selfie (and have no shame about it!).

• I enjoy keeping in contact with lots of different people.

But the bit I don’t love is the anxiety that can sometimes come with it. Most of the time, it isn’t there or may vaguely niggle in the background. Other times, it can become something bigger.

I’d love to say I don’t compare myself to others but I do. I’ll see things happening for people and think, ‘If I were good enough, it’d happen to me too!’ or wonder if I’ll ever be confident enough to put myself forward for things I’d really love to do.

I know for me, this is still partly a hangover from my previous workplace: if you’re told you’re not good enough often enough, you’ll start to believe it. But it’s something I know also happens for other people too – it isn’t just a product of the workplace.

Twitter is full of amazing ideas by amazing people, as well as the chance to network with colleagues you’d otherwise not meet. It’s full of chances for CPD and Conferences which you’d otherwise not hear of. But it can look all to positive when your own day, or week, has gone wrong.

It is in no way big enough to stop me using Twitter – or any other social media – the positives hugely outweigh this one negative. It has, however, deterred me from writing more blog posts. Or asking for opportunities I want or feel I would be good for.

It’s something I think lots of people feel, but it isn’t discussed widely enough for them to know others feel it too. This will all have been said before – I won’t be the first to blog about this and I’m sure I won’t be the last.

But when the anxiety creeps in, it’s nice to know you’re not alone.

Emily

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I’ve got a bit of a book buying problem.

I find myself looking the numerous books on my shelf, many languishing at the back of my TBR pile as I constantly put new titles in front of them, and find I never actually pick them up to read.

Books I was desperate to read a few months ago, or even last week, have been replaced by the next book I just had to have. Any bookshop I pass I seem to enter and come out with at least (and it’s usually more!) one book.

And it’s getting ridiculous.

My ‘To Be Read’ pile is in literal piles near my bedside table, as I run out of any other room to put them.

So, following on from Mr B Reads (@MrBReading) ‘Operation Bookshelf’ I’ve been inspired. I am not going to buy a single new book for the whole of November and read some that have been waiting in my TBR pile (some of them for nearly a year) instead.

The first thing I’ve done is got myself down to my local library and updated my membership! I plan on not only getting books out for myself but also some which are useful for my topic at school.

I’ve also decided to join in with the ‘Believe in the Impossible Readathon’ (@Believeathon) which has also been a great help for my problem; it gives you 10 categories to read from during November (e.g a book with magic, a book with a real world issue). I managed to find a book for each of these that I already had.

My only potential problem with this is I always join in on the Primary School Book Club (@PrimarySchoolBC) each month…so I’m just hoping that the book that wins is one that is already on my shelf or available at my library!

Wish me luck…

Emily

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